This is not a life in Gaza, this is death

Editors note: This article contains discussions of mental health.

An exhausted Islamic Relief aid worker* in Gaza confesses the difficulty of staying strong for his children as the situation in Gaza worsens.

It has been a long time since my last blog. I’d fallen into a depression, and I really couldn’t write. I remember the last time I sat down to write; it was at the start of the operation in Rafah. Since then, I’d lost hope that our misery would ever end. I’d started believing that we’re destined to endure this suffering for what remains of our lives.

I was barely speaking to anyone in the house and I spent my days sleeping or just staying in my room. I lost more weight from only having one meal a day plus coffee. It was a hard time for me and my family, especially since all crossings closed after the operation began, making goods even more scarce and very expensive. Municipal water stopped reaching houses. We did not have fuel, we could not cook, find drinking water, or even wash. We were desperate for any solution or sign of hope. Our only wish was to survive even though everything is hard, and everyone is suffering. This is not a life, this is death.

A terrifying education

Eventually, I decided that we had to go on. I can’t just fall into the darkness and surrender to depression and despair – I needed to be stronger for my kids. My kids… my heart aches when I think of what they’re living through. Children all over the world have just completed another year at school and are enjoying their summer vacation. But Palestinian kids are being killed.

More than 15,000 children have passed away and those that are still here are struggling to find water, food or proper clothes. In place of school, they’ve learned new things like how to fetch water, make a fire, stand in line for bread, distinguish between the sounds of explosions. They’ve started running after the planes carrying aid, screaming for them to drop some assistance. They’ve learned about politics, about human rights violations, about genocide, and about a bigger world that does not care about them. They’ve begun categorising people into 2 camps – those that support us and those that hate us.

They are growing up in an inhospitable environment, eating poor food and catching all kinds of diseases. They’re dreaming of toys, new clothes and returning to their own rooms and beds but they wake from these dreams in the middle of the night and they’re terrified. They can’t go to the toilet because it’s dark and scary without electricity. They can’t watch a cartoon or sing a song to cheer themselves up. They don’t have stories or books to distract them. All the books have been burned making fires to try and feed ourselves.

We are not superheroes

I thought I have to be there for my children. They need to see me standing tall. They need to learn patience and resilience. People think Palestinians are superheroes, but we are vulnerable. We are weak, poor, tired, exhausted, fed up of the world. We are normal people that are being deprived of our normal lives.

At one point, I was angry and shouting a lot, telling my kids to be strong, to act like grownups, to learn to feel full after a small meal. My wife told me to calm down and suddenly, I was in tears. I couldn’t handle the pressure. The pressures of this life are like huge stones weighing down on us all. The blockade is affecting every aspect of our lives. We are living in the Wild West now. There is no law enforcement and people get into fights for the smallest reasons. Thugs, thieves, and criminals are everywhere. Just walking to the market to get food for your kids could get you killed, and no one would even bat an eye. Everyone is dealing with their own share of loss. There is very little compassion or care left. Everyone is exhausted. Everyone is on their own path to survival, but no one escaped this horror. Only those who have passed away.

Because of all this, I’ve not been able to write lately, but I hope I will be able to again. I hope my words will remind everyone about what we’re living through in Gaza. I hope the prayers of free people in the world will bring this nightmare to an end. I hope the future will bring peace and the chance to prosper.

Beyond these lofty dreams, I have more simple hopes like waking up to the morning and find water in the tap, taking a shower, driving to work, meeting my colleagues, taking my children to their school, or getting my morning coffee. I hope I will reunite with my family members. I hope I can take a vacation and swim in the sea. I hope I can have a long night’s sleep. I hope we can live the normal, simple, stupid life we thought was bad before. I hope the war will end.

Please help Islamic Relief support people in desperate need in Gaza: Donate to our Palestine Emergency Appeal now.

*This blog is anonymised to protect the safety and security of our colleague and others mentioned. Read the other blogs in this series here.

Editor’s note: This blog was submitted amid a fast-changing and deepening crisis. The information was correct as of Tuesday 25 June 2024.

If you have been affected by some of the issues in this article, help can be found at Samaritans and Mind.

BROWSE OTHER OPINIONS

new director

Director of Network and Resource Development

Adnan joined Islamic Relief in 2004 as a regional fundraiser in the UK. He worked in multiple roles over 10 years at Islamic Relief UK, including setting up the first digital team and leading the growth of digital fundraising and engagement. Adnan also led numerous fundraising and marketing campaigns, which played a significant part in the growth of Islamic Relief UK.

Having moved to Islamic Relief Worldwide in 2014, Adnan has held different roles that have helped grow Islamic Relief’s global digital footprint into new geographic territories, supporting Islamic Relief members with their digital and marketing growth as well as developing new products and initiatives for the Islamic Relief family.

Adnan graduated in Industrial Design and Technology from Loughborough University. He has since completed an Advanced Diploma in Business Administration from Durham University and a Diploma in Digital Marketing from the Institute of Data and Marketing.

Nadeem Azhar

General Counsel

Nadeem joined Islamic Relief Worldwide in September 2022. He has worked in the charitable sector for over a decade.

He studied Modern History and Politics at Manchester University, and at the University of Law in London before qualifying as a solicitor in 2011.

Nadeem is an experienced corporate, commercial and governance lawyer, having worked with various faith-based and grant making charities as well those in health and education settings. He was a partner at a law firm in London before moving in-house where he focused on setting up and restructuring charities and social enterprises.

Most recently, Nadeem was Lead Counsel at Mind, a leading mental health charity, where he co-authored a new federation agreement, revamped legal processes, and played a major role in developing its strategic and fundraising partnerships.

Nadeem has been a charity trustee for the Seafarers Charity, as well as many grant-making bodies and theatre companies.

Adnan Hafiz

Director of Network and Resource Development

Adnan joined Islamic Relief in 2004 as a regional fundraiser in the UK. He worked in multiple roles over 10 years at Islamic Relief UK, including setting up the first digital team and leading the growth of digital fundraising and engagement. Adnan also led numerous fundraising and marketing campaigns, which played a significant part in the growth of Islamic Relief UK.

Having moved to Islamic Relief Worldwide in 2014, Adnan has held different roles that have helped grow Islamic Relief’s global digital footprint into new geographic territories, supporting Islamic Relief members with their digital and marketing growth as well as developing new products and initiatives for the Islamic Relief family.

Adnan graduated in Industrial Design and Technology from Loughborough University. He has since completed an Advanced Diploma in Business Administration from Durham University and a Diploma in Digital Marketing from the Institute of Data and Marketing.

Board of Directors
Javed Akhtar

Director of Finance

Javed Akhtar has more than a decade of experience at Islamic Relief, having worked in a similar role between 2003-2014. In that role he strove to implement wide-ranging financial and accounting processes which aided in the transparent nature in which Islamic Relief now operates.

Javed also has diverse experience across the private sector, having worked at American chemicals and pharmaceutical giant DuPont, shipping firm FedEX and technology consultancy company Accenture. In all his roles, he prioritises using the latest technologies to improve monitoring and reporting at every level. Javed’s commitment to embracing digital end-to-end technology, enhancing accountability to our stakeholders and promoting financial transparency is ensuring that we remain at the forefront of financial developments in the sector.

By training, Javed is a chartered accountant with a Master’s degree in NGO Management with Charity Accounting and Financial Management from Cass Business School.
Board of Directors
Affan Cheema  

Director of International Programmes

Affan Cheema is an experienced leader who has spent 25 years working in the international aid sector on poverty eradication in Asia, Africa and the Middle East. He has worked in fast onset emergencies, protracted crisis and development environments whilst working for Islamic Relief Worldwide and Care International. He is also a trustee of South West International Development Network (SWIDN).

Through his career Affan has held numerous roles including institutional fundraising, programme and grant management, and programme quality assurance.  Affan’s leadership has helped Islamic Relief Worldwide secure the highly coveted Core Humanitarian Standard (CHS), seen as the sector’s premier benchmark for operational excellence.

Affan completed his BA in Economics and Geography from University of London (School of Oriental and African Studies) and his MSc in Development Administration and Planning from the University of Bristol. He is PRINCE2 qualified, is a keen sportsman and recently co-edited a book entitled -Islam and International Development: Insights for working with Muslim Communities-.
Board of Directors
Dr Hossam Said

Managing Director, Humanitarian Academy for Development (HAD)

For nearly three decades Dr Hossam has provided the strategic vision to manage, lead and develop a range of international humanitarian interventions around the world.

At the start of his career, Dr Hossam served on the Board of Directors of the Egyptian Medical Syndicate, before moving to Islamic Relief Worldwide to manage the core global business activities as International Programmes Director.

During this time the organisation increased its global reach, gaining both domestic and international repute and credibility. Dr Hossam has also served on the Islamic Relief Worldwide Board of Management and Executive Committee for the past 15 years; sharing responsibility for strategic organisational development and the change management process, whilst forging strong relationships with many other charities.

Dr Hossam gained an MBA from Aston Business School in 2004 and graduated as a Medical Doctor from Cairo University in 1981.
Board of Directors
Martin Cottingham  

Director of External Relations and Advocacy

Martin Cottingham joined Islamic Relief in 2012 as IRUK Media Relations Manager, and was appointed Head of Communications in 2015 before taking up his current position as Director of External Relations and Advocacy for Islamic Relief Worldwide.

Martin has helped Islamic Relief to increase its mainstream media profile and expand its campaigning work, producing hard-hitting advocacy reports on floods in Pakistan (2011) famine in Somalia (2012) disaster risk reduction (2013) and aid to Afghanistan (2014). He has over 20 years’ experience working in media, communications and marketing roles for international development and environmental charities.

Martin graduated from the University of London with a degree in English and Drama (1982-85) then trained as a journalist with a postgraduate diploma at City University (1986-87). He has previously worked for Christian Aid as Editor of Christian Aid News and Media Relations Manager (1988-97) for Oxfam as Regional Campaigns Manager (1997-2000) and at the Soil Association as Marketing Director (2001-2006), as well as working for a wide range of organisations as a freelance writer, researcher and communications consultant.

Tufail Hussain

Director of Islamic Relief UK

Tufail Hussain has 17 years’ experience in the humanitarian and development sector, leading on marketing and fundraising campaigns for several organisations before joining Islamic Relief UK in 2016 as Deputy Director. Tufail was appointed Director of Islamic Relief UK in 2019 and in 2021 provided valuable leadership as interim CEO of Islamic Relief Worldwide.

Tufail is driven by a passion for empowering disadvantaged youth and mentors a number of young people. He also works to strengthen engagement between British Muslims and wider society. Under his leadership, Islamic Relief UK has significantly increased its income and developed successful partnerships with communities across the country. He has travelled around the world to raise awareness of major emergencies such as the Syria, Yemen and Afghanistan crises and the floods in Pakistan and Sudan.

A father to 5 daughters and a son, Tufail is also a sports enthusiast and passionate Liverpool FC supporter. Tufail has run the London Marathon twice, raising over £35,000 for humanitarian causes.

Before joining Islamic Relief he was CEO of Orphans in Need, where he oversaw a new strategy that increased income from £2 million to £9 million in 3 years and opened up new UK and international offices. Tufail is also a trustee of the Muslim Charities Forum and a Director of TIC International (Islamic Relief Worldwide’s clothes recycling and trading arm).
Waseem Ahmad

Chief Executive Officer

Waseem Ahmad joined the Islamic Relief family over 24 years ago, serving as Programme Officer in the Balochistan province of south-western Pakistan before becoming Head of Programmes in Pakistan. Waseem then moved to Oxfam and Tearfund before returning to Islamic Relief to establish our mission in Malawi. Later serving as Head of Programme Funding and Partnerships, Waseem led the response to major crises across the globe, including the East Africa drought, Pakistan earthquake and the Indian Ocean Tsunami.

Waseem then served for nearly 6 years as our Director of International Programmes, during which time the charity secured and retained the coveted Core Humanitarian Standard certification in recognition of the quality of our programming. He was appointed CEO of Islamic Relief in May 2021.

With a special interest in community mobilisation and infrastructure, Waseem received an MSc in Project Planning and Management from the University of Bradford, as well as an MSc in Economics from Arid Agriculture University in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.

Waseem has also worked for Lepra Health in Action and is a member of the International Civil Society Centre’s Board of Trustees. The father-of-3 enjoys walking and playing football, and is a keen birdwatcher.